I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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