do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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