Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
