How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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