oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
