If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
