why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
