your thong is hanging out like whoa
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
