He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
