Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
