That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
