i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
