I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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