I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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