Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize