im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
