Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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