I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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