Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
