I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
