I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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