Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
