i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize