I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
