Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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