You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
