Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
