just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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