I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
