ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize