Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
