woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
