This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
