Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
