We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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