oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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