I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My hand turned me down
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
