My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Girls should come with a carfax report
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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