The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she pinky promised me she was 18
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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