Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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