Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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