he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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