You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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