For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
