I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
