I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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