I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize