2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
