Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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