Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I want a musical about memes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
