i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That accounts for only three of the penises
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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