the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
