Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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