woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
