Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
