I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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