return my video game
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
