Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
