had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize