I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
