I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
