Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
