Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
