we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
