at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
