I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
