Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
