I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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