haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
