Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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