I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
