How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
